“It’s like finding a needle in a haystack” the doctor said to me this morning during my check-up appointment at 10 weeks. The baby’s heartbeat is almost impossible to hear with the fetal doppler before 12 weeks and I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I’d heard the heartbeat and seen the baby on the ultrasound screen just two weeks before, but it seemed like a lifetime. It’s like a drug longing to be part of me again.
I took a deep breath as she placed the cold lotion on my stomach and moved the doppler around. Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!
Okay! She said not to worry. It’s ok. I’ll hear it in a few weeks when I return. Don’t get upset. For God’s sake, don’t cry again!
Just when I thought she was going to give up, I heard that beautiful music to my ears. My baby’s heart was beating at 172 beats per minute – perfectly healthy. The feeling that came over me when I heard another heart beating inside of me is indescribable.
It was obviously real before that. After weeks of morning sickness and excessive tiredness, I knew all too well that extreme changes were taking place inside of me, but each time I hear my baby’s heart beating, it instantly becomes real and more loved than anything else that exists in my life, past, present, or future.
It is a precious miracle that makes my own heart beat a little faster and I easily forgot about the embarrassment of crying once again. Nothing else existed at that moment – just my new, growing, heart-beating baby.