“You will lose someone…, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss…. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up…. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” – Anne Lamott
In a tragic series of events, I lost both my aunt and uncle-in-law this week. My mother, the dearest person to my heart (after Athena of course), has now lost three siblings and a brother-in-law; my grandparents have lost three children and a son-in-law. No parent should have to suffer that type of loss. It is heartbreaking. My tears have only dried up from a previously devastating blow to my family where we lost two other family members in the same week and tragedy is upon us again.
I am grieving with my family yet I can’t be with them. I can’t protect them from the pain or wash away their tears. I can’t hold their hands or hug them tight. I have never felt so alone yet I’m surrounded by people. I find myself doing the most normal, every day things and I can’t hold back my tears, but my cousins are left with a much greater pain. They not only lost their parents, but their providers, their friends, their support system…
My three cousins, all in their 20s, are now left with the responsibility of carrying on without their parents. Growing up, we were all part of a larger community. Families supported each other and stood together in times of happiness and times of sadness. My cousins are like brothers and sisters; my aunts and uncles like parents. It is that sense of community and family that has shaped me into the person I am today. It has made me feel like I’m never truly alone.
The funeral will be held on Tuesday and I will not be posting until after that date. My heart is heavy. The scars are deep.