The Guinness Brewery Tour is a magical tour where people become more beautiful, witty and electrifying. The longer you are there the better it gets as long as you continue drinking the dark stuff. Guinness plays as much of a role in Irish history as Kilmainham Gaol. The seven floors form the shape of a massive Guinness glass, which would hold 14.3 million pints of Guinness if filled.

The tour begins on the ground floor with a visit to the retail store. I searched the store for gifts, but quickly realized that it was cheaper to buy Guinness products from Carroll’s Gift Shop.

There was a massive exhibit that held water, barley, hops and yeast. It explained how they are combined to make the perfect Guinness pint. I had a small plastic bag in my pocket and I scooped a handful of each of the main ingredients, minus the water, into the bag. I am pretty sure that the ingredients are not meant to be taken, but I knew it would make an excellent keepsake. I tried to be secretive about my product pocketing, especially after spending some time in the jail and no one seemed to notice.

On the third floor, I took my time watching Guinness commercials and looking at the advertisements when I noticed a ticket on the floor. I picked it up and the beer stub was still attached to the bottom. I looked around, but no one was near the ticket. It was like being Charlie in the Chocolate Factory, but the adult version.

I noticed a security guard standing close to the door so I told him about the ticket and asked if I should return it to the main desk. He smiled and said without a name on the ticket it would be impossible to claim so I should keep it. He asked where I was from and after a friendly conversation about the similarities between Irishmen and Canadians, he offered me two more tickets. “Enjoy your Guinness,” he said before shaking my hand.

By the time I made it to the Gravity Bar, I had several “tastes” of Guinness and I was about to try my first pint directly from the brewery.

Needless to say, when I was ready to leave, I was feeling the 4 large glasses of Guinness. Drinking Guinness is not like drinking a light beer; it fills you up and quenches your thirst at the same time. The only thing I’d suggest is walking around after each glass so you have a true understanding of where you stand with the drinking. It’s always good to know who is winning – you or the alcohol.

I couldn’t figure out why they would put the drinking area on the top floor of a seven floor building since I’m pretty sure I was not the only person to consume my weight in beer before trying to stumble out of the storehouse.

By the time I made my way down the stairs and out the door, I was ready to hit the pubs and it was only 6pm.

Needless to say, I was in for an interesting night.