How Bad Parenting Skills Ruined Our Vacation

Jumping on the bed Stop! No! You’re going to get hurt. You never listen. You’re being bad. Oh my God! You need to get off of there. Listen to me! Get over here right now! If you don’t stop that, you’re going to bed right now! Stop hitting your sister! For two hours this is what we heard from the next hotel room, along with doors slamming, children and adults screaming, banging on the headboard, fighting, and hitting. I don’t expect parents to be perfect or to have all the answers, I can certainly tell you I’m far from perfect and I can tell you with even more certainty that I don’t have even half of the answers, but I do expect them to be aware of their surroundings and exhibit some parenting skills. 

We’re staying at a luxury resort for the weekend and it’s fabulous. Tastefully decorated with exceptional service and amenities, it’s a great getaway destination. The view is dream-like and the comfortable linens wrap around my body like a perfectly sized wedding band. Our day was heavenly; we relaxed, swam, dined, and reveled in the beauty that surrounded us. It was transcendent, until we tried to put Athena down for bed. Then, all Hell broke loose.

Athena was fantastic, regardless of the later bedtime. She played happily in the bathtub, put on her pajamas, and climbed into bed. When we first heard the loud noises coming from the next room, we just tried to ignore them. It was, after all, only 8 pm. By 10 pm, however, we’d heard enough empty threats from the mother and yelling from the father to know that they weren’t going to settle down any time soon.

We called the front desk and they were responsive, offering a variety of solutions. They quickly knocked on the door to rectify the situation but it never made a difference. I’m not sure how it could because the parents were obviously not in control of the situation. We can’t blame the fantastic hotel; they’re not the ones with the bad parenting skills. We also shouldn’t be expected to change rooms; again, we’re not the ones exhibiting zero parenting skills. (I would have been mortified if a hotel clerk knocked on our door and I can guarantee I would have managed the noise immediately.)

It’s now 11 pm and I still hear never-ending yelling, empty threats, and the even more constant jumping and banging noises. Do we continue to call the front desk? Do we knock on their door and ask for some common courtesy? Or do we keep our daughter up all night because of the continuous noise?

You want to be a good parent and you want to be a friend and it’s hard to be both. You have to balance it as well as you can and letting your children run wild with no regard for others is not balance. I don’t take the job of being a parent lightly. Who Athena is, what she’ll become and what she’ll contribute to the world is very important to me. It all starts at home, or in this case the hotel room.

Share your good parenting skills here and maybe the next time your at a hotel you can sleep peacefully.

89 thoughts on “How Bad Parenting Skills Ruined Our Vacation

  1. Do you ever wish you could go over and talk to the parents or save the children from situations like that? Not to say the parents were bad parents, but it was definitely a bad situation. Maybe they were just so exhausted they couldn’t think of what else to do, but they were extending a ton of energy on an approach that wasn’t working. And yes, I know it can be really frustrating, especially when you have a little one who needs to get to sleep.

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    • Normally I’m very understanding in these situations. I come from a family of six children. I know firsthand how crazy things can get, but this was an obvious parent issue. Hopefully, they are trying to set some rules for the children.

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    • Darren took Athena into the bathroom, turned on the fan and her lullaby music, and rocked her until she fell asleep. Then, when she was sleeping, he put her back in bed. The noise didn’t end until much later. When she was finally asleep, even the rowdiness didn’t wake her.

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  2. Don’t waste your time confronting them face to face. If they won’t listen to the hotel staff then they aren’t likely to see you as holding any higher authority.

    I’d ask the hotel for a different room if there is one or a discount to your bill if there isn’t.
    Considering the scope of services the resort is providing and how much it must have cost you to stay there, I would say it’s not at all out of line to speak with the resort manager and see if something more lasting can be done about your neighbors such as kicking them out.

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    • I didn’t want to be moved in the middle of the night. My daughter was already in her pajamas and bathed. I figured packing at that point would just disrupt her more. I also didn’t think it was fair to get an entire family, already out of control, to move and disrupt more guests in the process.

      I only contacted the front desk the one time and they responded very well. I’m sure if I had contacted them again, they would have handled the situation perfectly. By no means was it the resorts fault.

      I felt like finding a parenting class online and sliding the link under the door, but I don’t have it in me to do such things. Just mean thoughts in between yelling and door slamming. 😉

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  3. I only have dogs, so I can’t comment on parenting. If it were me, and it was really that bad, I would ask the desk to switch someone’s room. Theres, mine..as long as it ended and someone got to sleep. Sometimes, if you can’t fix a situation, you have no choice but to work around it. They may even have upgraded you to a suite for the inconvenience.

    A hotel did that for me once when they gave us the wrong room number and I walked into ‘our’ room to find a naked man on the bed talking into a phone.

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    • Not that I’m comparing dogs to children, but you can at least understand the respect for your surroundings part.

      Eventually my daughter fell asleep and we didn’t worry about it after that. In the morning, they were equally as loud.

      Honestly, it just made me feel grateful for having such a wonderful family and for raising my daughter the way we are. 🙂

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      • Oh, yes. I do have to be careful with my dogs to make sure they’re not barking early in the morning and bothering the neighbors, or late at night. If we’re in public, I’m chasing them with poo bags, and making sure that if they’re loose in the dog park, they’re behaving and all that.

        If I had a dime for every time I have told them “Let’s use our inside voice!” I’d have lots of dimes, lol.

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  4. So sorry you had to deal with this. This is the reason why I don’t go on vacation often. My daughter has Autism and ADD. We have a hard time calming her down and often get mean looks and rude comments telling us to learn how to parent. It makes me sad, but we do our part and think of others around us. When I stay at hotels I will ask for a bottom floor room in the corner to minimize noise. Not to say that these people have a child with special needs(maybe?), but if they know that their kids can sit still, they should think of this other alternative to help keep the peace. I can’t stand the thought of someone thinking that I have bad parenting skills. I am a great mom and do everything to help my daughter. I would be horrified if a hotelier came knocking on my door. At that point, the parents should have taken their kids for a walk around the resort to get the energy out. I hope they didn’t kill your vacation.

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    • Oh no, this was an obvious parent issue. I’m almost certain you don’t yell and scream at your child in this way. I understand that some children have special needs but this was not the case with this family.

      Even in the way that you are explaining your situation, I can hear your thoughtful mannerisms toward others. You sound like such a beautiful family.

      I didn’t hear one nice comment from this mother the entire time. She just continued to yell at her children when they did something, never offering a solution or trying to speak with them about alternatives. That is bad parenting skills. Wouldn’t you agree?

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      • Yes, I agree. It breaks my heart when parents are mean to their children. I agree with a few the other readers too. The most important thing to do is always follow through. This is what I have learned doing ABA therapy with my daughter 5 days a week. It can help anyone with a child, special needs or not. I live in San Diego and I hope you enjoy the rest if your vacation. Oh yeah, and welcome to CA! BTW, your blog insipires me. Keep doing what your doing!! 😉

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  5. Situations like these always make me want to tell the parents “You can be their friends when they are in their 20’s. Right now, they need p-a-r-e-n-t-s, i.e deliverers/teachers of discipline and guidelines and manners. This is YOUR job. Do it!” But alas, people in that type of situation are almost never open for this discussion, are they?
    I hope you managed to eventually get some peace and quite to put your daughter to sleep?

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    • Darren took Athena into the bathroom, turned on the fan and her lullaby music, and rocked her until she fell asleep. Then, when she was sleeping, he put her back in bed. The noise didn’t end until much later. When she was finally asleep, even the rowdiness didn’t wake her.

      🙂

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  6. Follow through is the only thing that it all boils down to – follow through. You tell your child no and the consequences. Then if they continue DON’T say next time I’ll … just go straight to consequence. You start this from the get go, not 2 or 3 or heaven forbid 5. It doesn’t matter if you’re tired, it doesn’t matter if you don’t want to deal with the tantrum that will come you FOLLOW THROUGH THEN AND THERE.

    If you have discipline problems with you children you don’t take them to expensive restaurants and expect others to understand, you don’t take them to expensive hotels – if you can afford that then you can afford a single cabin without connecting walls so that you don’t destroy the holiday’s of others.

    Some of my friends thought I was a little too strict when my son was little but by the time he was 3 to 4 he didn’t just wander around someones house grabbing things without asking, he went to bed when told (after songs and story of course), he put his plate in the sink and didn’t throw tantrums in shopping centres. He knew I would just stop what I was doing and go home where he would have to sit in the lounge with no TV (not his bedroom since that had toys) on his chair until he apologised.

    And for those who say children grow up timid and afraid to express themselves if so confined when young I say BULLSHIT. He has good manners but he was a boy who played hard and enjoyed himself but still had a respect for others and their property. He is a smart resourceful young man because my husband and I didn’t do his homework for him or protected him from the consequences of his actions or for being being wrong but showed him how to find things in books and on the computer.

    We curtailed his TV until he was a teenager (it is good for little bits and pieces but it is NOT a babysitter) so he reads more than most his age and we made sure he was involved with sports. Parents who want their children to ‘develop’ their own identity without constraint or direction are doing their kids a disservice, they let children try things for a week and if it’s hard they then move to the next which is NOT a good life lesson. Sorry have a bit of an issue with parents who let their kids run their lives – it’s child abuse although most won’t see it that way.

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    • I absolutely agree with you Jenni. I was raised the way you described and though in the process I might sometimes disagree with my parents and may habe been tempted to throw a tantrum, in retrospect I am just so thankful that they raised me the way they did.

      When I see children today in the supermarket, running wild, even ripping open packages, etc. I can’t help but think about my mother who was able to go shopping with four (very) little children at a time and not having to run after them all the time, screaming for them to behave.

      I hope that when we will have kids someday, that I will be able to do it the same way. I have some practice with my cute little nephew, who is very wild, and sometimes it really is tough to say no and then enforce the consequences.

      I am convinced that the rules and boundaries my parents showed me gave me not less but more freedom because I did not have to spend so much of my time to test how far I can go (as so many children do today).

      And I can confirm from my experience, that this did not stop me from expressing myself. I spend as much time reading and doing my homework as I did running around wild in the garden. We were always encouraged to learn, ask whatever we want and we always spend time together as a family, which gave me the comfort zone I needed to develop my own personality and in which I never felt restricted.

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      • Same – I had more freedom as my parents trusted me to behave even in ‘party situations’ as a teen and older. We weren’t by the book little goody goodies either but we understood cause and effect, action and consequence and I really think most of the younger children and even teens that I’ve met don’t really get that there is a price to pay for everything in life and the older you are when you learn that lesson the harder the lesson is going to be.

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    • Agreed!
      I’ve taught martial arts for over ten years–adults all the way down to preschoolers. I can’t tell you how many parents I meet who have absolutely no idea how to teach their children appropriate behavior. It’s all about teaching your expectations, and removing the child from the setting if expectations aren’t met. Yes, in the beginning, it means “missing out” on things the parent might want to do as well. (I once pulled my child out of a theater I’d paid quite a bit attend!) But in the long run, it makes the parents’ life easier, and the child’s life better.

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  7. I’d speak to the reception desk staff and ask if they can have a quiet word with the family / say there have been one or two comments but not yet formal complaints from other guests about the noise. At least this will give them the opportunity to try and sort it although I wouldn’t hold my breath.

    Don’t feel guilty about it either. You’re probably doing them a favour because at some point or other, they will have to start taking control of things.

    The only thing I despise more than unruly, noisy and generally horrid children is the pathetic adult(s) allowing them to carry on regardless.

    My two are teenagers now so all that little kiddie stuff is long gone but when they were little, I was vicious. Utterly ruthless actually. Any / all and every single last threat was carried out with not even a sprinkling of guilt.

    My kids and I are now really very close and the best of friends however, I’m their Mother first and their friend second.

    The best way to be a good parent is to never fall into the trap of trying to be a friend. Toddlers don’t need you as a friend – they need you to lay down clear rules, boundaries and firm foundations because without them, you’re up for an awful lot of hassle and allowing them to turn into horrid, disrespectful monsters as adults.

    Crack that from the start and you can enjoy being friends with them for the rest of your lives 🙂

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    • Umm the point is the it wasn’t peaceful and the parents were letting the kids run amok – if they wouldn’t behave they should have just gone home – it’s what mum and dad did with my sister and it only took once she never acted out on holidays again – normal stuff yeah but not jumping and squealing into the night. Kid’s aren’t born understanding control or appropriate behaviour – it’s our job as a parent to show them what that is – tired or not, feeling like it or not cause every time you don’t follow through you add another hour to the next tantrum.

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  8. I’d show the manager of the hotel your blog post and ask them if they would like a sequel with the name of the resort published. I bet they would have a firm word with the noisy guests.

    ……..and for the poster who said “let them be kids”…….I think that is exactly what was going on …..there are good kids and then there are others………….at what point do you say “stop”……..when they light the hotel on fire?…..just sayin’

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  9. This is so sad and frustrating!
    I’m experiencing something similar on a regular basis, as there is a toddler in the unit next to mine who incessantly bangs on the front screen door and teh closed bedrom window – at 12pm at night! I confronted the parents about it this morning, Vietnamese, hard to get the point across but being nice they apologised and said “Sorry my baby he stay up late”
    I’m sorry, but this isNOT good aprenting . . .

    I like your take on parenting influencing our children in the future – so true!

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  10. We had a similiar situation, my hubby bought several lucky packets, went over, and asked politely if they’d accept the whisper challenge and they could have the lucky packet. it worked perfectly. but this is africa

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  11. Oh my, how unpleasant. I agree with Jenni. The training has to start at home. If they aren’t behaving at home, they won’t anywhere else either. Yelling should be reserved for situations where your child is in grave danger. Otherwise it’s just noise and not effective. “Being kids” in my opinion means being inquisitive, silly and creative. Those kids were being unruly and undisciplined.

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  12. Travel with white noise! We have an app on the iPhone that plays fan noise and we travel with a Bose mini. Can’t hear much else with that thing on!

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    • We turned on Athena’s music but I worried at what point were we disrupting the people on the other side of us. Did turning the music up make us the rude guests? Eventually, we took her into the bathroom with the fan and the music and she finally fell asleep. 🙂

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  13. Whatever you do, be sure your child understands that the behavior of the children next door is the exact behavior you expect her to avoid! Personally, I’d have changed rooms and would have reported the problem again and again while packing. You can’t be your child’s best friend AND be their parent.

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  14. Boy, that’s a tough situation. My kids are pretty good, but they’re no angels. As my sister said one time, “All kids have their turn” for public displays of defiance. That being said, I’d be torn between understanding of how awful their situation was and the need for my own family to get rest. I don’t think a call to the staff was out of line, and you were nice and even tried to talk to them yourself. You did what you could to resolve it peacefully.
    I suppose I’d weight how long it would take to move to another room versus how long it looked like they might settle down. It’s unfair that you have to move, yes, but you won’t fix their child or their parenting that night.
    **But the jerk part of me would have had to resist banging on the wall when I got up in the morning.

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  15. i have three kids and believe me, they are no angels in a hotel room, especially when we ALL share one room with two queen beds and big brother won’t stay on his side of the fed and little brother is kicking me blah blah blah. in hotel rooms, we give them ONE chance, and then whoever is the complainer sleeps on the floor. I remind them there are other people trying to sleep in this hotel, but it is tough when we’ve been in a car all day and it’s late and they are restless. What I can’t stand even more than rowdy children is rowdy young ADULTS who come back to the hotel late at night after a party and think that the party continues in the hallway.

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  16. I go with “pickledwings” answer…relocate…to another room …They need to adjust your bill…etc. …the parents definitely would not listen to you…just cause more frustration…but, the hotel does have some choices in situations like this for sure!

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  17. I can really, really relate to your experience here. I see so much of this just about everywhere. It’s not that hard to parent; one just needs to do it and not worry about being the kids’ “friend” and “buddy.” That, I believe is part of why kids are not being patented well these days. Good thing is, most parents are good parents, so there is hope. 😄

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  18. Oh my. Sometimes having a bit of insight into how other people treat each other in a disrespectful manner gives you a sense of reality that your approach to parenting and communication is on the right track. Simply use this as a learning experience and move forward with new tools in your tool belt of parenting.

    To save yourself extra aggravation, I agree with pickledwings that a request to change rooms or a rate reduction would be wise.

    Hope the remainder of your weekend is much more enjoyable!

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  19. Was just in a hotel this past weekend and it wasn’t children next door, but the voices and loud activity can sure disrupt an otherwise lovely getaway weekend. Sorry you had this experience.

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  20. That is really too bad. We all need our sleep and conflict and confrontation aren’t good on vacation. When I was younger, I would have just put up with it and complained to myself. Now, I would ask to be moved to a different room at the very least. I have been kept awake by noise at hotels on business trips when I needed to be alert the next day. I think it should be part of the “contract” for staying in a hotel that one is respectful of the other guests. I hope the situation improved after you wrote the post and you and your family are enjoying the rest of the weekend.

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  21. Oh my. I have experienced similar trials on vacation. Parents who let their kids run up and down the halls. It’s okay for a minute (I guess), but hours later, it’s ridiculous. The trouble is, parents don’t want to be parents. You can always tell when children are really the ones in charge. Whether it’s on vacation or at home.

    Sometimes I think the hotel should offer an area of rooms for families vs. business travelers vs. party-ers. Some of us really are there to sleep.

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  22. My wife and I would have moved to a different floor, at the opposite end of the hotel. This is epidemic in America these days. Much more to say on that but enough. I hope you found resolution.

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  23. Set by example to your own children. They will learn from you. Choose your battles. Live your lives. Time passes quickly. Enjoy little things for tomorrow may never be.

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  24. hmmm, lots of interesting answers. I think though that getting angry is only going to harm you and affect your memory of the resort. Another phone call is absolutely warranted to the front desk. Explain how the noise is affected your stay and request that the noisemakers be moved. Remember it is not the resort that you are upset with (or who is at fault). As for the family, I feel for the child, who is not getting positive, appropriate discipline. If the child has special needs, the noise would be from a child, not the parents yelling. (and yes I’ve had a child with autism melt down in a resort before… we calmed him as quickly as possible and then went for a calming walk. )

    I hope that you get to enjoy the rest of your holiday!

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  25. My kids weren’t perfect, and I am sure at times they were loud enough to be heard, they are kids, but that NEVER happened on my watch. My ex wife hated this, but both my boys learned that when I snapped my fingers loudly, they froze, and looked to see what they did incorrectly.

    They are 16 and 20 now, and it still works! Never understood how parents can get to the point where the kids are in charge….

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  26. This happened to us once in a hotel and unfortunately it was on New Year’s Eve. I’m not sure if they were children or children with adults, but for HOURS we heard people running around upstairs, jumping on beds, jumping on the floor, screaming, laughing… Because it was New Year’s Eve, we felt there was little to be done. I don’t think we complained to the hotel because they would have shrugged their shoulders telling us, “People are drunk and having fun.”

    And you can’t always blame it on bad parenting, sometimes it’s a situational thing but it can be incredibly annoying just the same. Just recently I had a doctor’s appointment and was waiting in the waiting room. As usual, they tend to make you wait longer than when your appointment time is actually scheduled. A mother was sitting in the room with her two young boys. Those two boys just wanted to rough house and run around. The mother tried threatening them, physically restraining them, to no avail. They were just not going to listen to her no matter what she said. I’m not sure if she was there for herself or one of the boys but considering that doctor is in popular demand and it’s hard to get an appointment, she wasn’t going to reschedule just because her sons weren’t behaving. She was also alone (probably a stay at home mom) and to have to wrangle two boys that young with that much energy–that would be hard for anyone to manage. As soon as she left the waiting room, the gossipy people at the front desk were all like “I wouldn’t leave the house if I had two boys like that” and some grumpy old man waiting in the room with me said “I was about to say something to the two boys, do you think they would have listened to me?” I just kind of rolled my eyes. It’s easy to snap judge and say “Bad parenting” but but there is more than meets the eye to everyone.

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    • I wouldn’t have thought twice about the two kids and I wouldn’t have judged the parent at all. It’s a doctor’s office and she was alone. This is quite a different situation.

      But when a child slams the same tv stand door over 50 times and you don’t stop them or at least put something in front of it to stop it at 11 pm, there is no question what is going on. Wouldn’t you agree?

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  27. I can 100% relate to this. We were ate a hotel two weeks ago, kids. Pushing us to get to the pool, after 11. Screaming down the halls. It can ruin a vacation.

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    • Every other aspect of the vacation was wonderful and this became a reminder of how blessed we are to have such a well-behaved, happy daughter who never yells or screams… yet 😉

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  28. I’m so very sorry this happened. 😦 We have traveled a lot with our four children (which are almost grown and out of the house),and with our grandchildren,and we have had similar circumstances. We end up going out to the store,not mentioning the commotion,and buy chips and dip and ice cream and watch tv (LOUDLY) and laugh and talk and try to make it through the loud,rude grownups and their children. Some how we wake up happy and ready for the fun day! Thanks for this post!!! So happy that you are traveling everywhere with your daughter and having so much fun!

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  29. I feel bad for those kids. They’ll likely grow up to be selfish and with a feeling of entitlement that will push away other people. They will probably miss out on a lot of fulfilling and exciting opportunities b/c of the way they are being raised. Qué tristse.

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  30. Pingback: How Bad Parenting Skills Ruined Our Vacation | Fathers Aware

  31. I have always placed importance on bedtime – this to me is an important part of being a family. I would arrange bedtimes so my kids had a bath, when bubbas, a baby massage to relax them, as they grew a little older it became about snuggling up in bed altogether whilst I read them stories about Alfie and Annie and There’s a Hippopotamus on my roof eating cake – which they loved and we talked about all sorts of things – laughing, singing, snuggling. As they grew older I played them whale song and sounds of the ocean to assist them in entering the world of slumber. As I write this I can feel myself relaxing into that place and remember the wonders and joy in being a mother who was gifted children. 🙂

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  32. Did you call the front desk to complain? Most hotels are usually pretty good about wanting to keep peace on the premises. In the spring of 2005, I lived in northeastern Oklahoma, while working on a special project for an engineering company. One night a couple in the room directly above me were having loud sex. I mean, LOUD! Another male visitor banged on their door and told them to settle down. But, he got into a heated argument with the man in that room who told him to mind his own business. Someone then called the front desk to complain. When the couple still didn’t settle down, the front desk clerk finally called the police to have them evicted.

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  33. I’ve encountered parents who don’t know how to be parents as well … most recently on a cross country flight. My guess: these are part-time parents who never actually spend time with their kids except on vacation … Working full time is not an excuse. Millions figure it out. Some — like your hotel neighbors and the people in the seats behind me — abdicate. They put kids in daycare from early until late, pack them up, feed them and put them to bed (maybe) … they may have a nanny or hire sitters to help out in the evenings … if kids have no routine, not discipline at home … why would they on vacation …. can’t do much … but I would truly ask the hotel to move the family … you should stay put!

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  34. That sucks, and I feel sorry for you. I try not to judge other parents as, being a parent of three little angels (!!) myself, I know what it’s like – and I’m all too aware of my own shortcomings. But really this sounds like it was beyond the pale. Yes we yell sometimes, but not for anything like that long – wouldn’t have the energy!

    What happened in the end? I hope the hotel did something more. I realise it wasn’t their fault, and short of tranquilising and gagging the offending family (which is regrettably illegal), there’s no magic wand they could wave to stop it all. But they have the ultimate responsibility for their guests – the ones being inconvenienced and the ones doing the inconveniencing. In the end they should surely have either moved the other family (preferably) or moved you (with suitable compensation of some sort – a free night perhaps?)

    Anyway, I hope nothing that bad happens to you again. Wishing you many peaceful nights!

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  35. As a Parent Life Coach, my advice to parents is a simple one. If you say it, stick to it. All those empty threats were the reason why you suffered so much. Life is simple, if you want this, then, you MUST do that! We as parents MUST stick to our guns or our children will take over! Coach Arthur
    http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com

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